15 Comments
User's avatar
Arri's avatar

This was such an interesting perspective on something that’s becoming increasingly clear to me, which is that we’re living in a culture that is defined by parentification. The capitalist hellscape we live in has strong armed us into growing up too fast and we’re constantly projecting the resentment of that. I just wrote about how much value we place on parasocial relationships with women whilst simultaneously treating them horribly. There’s a link between the boundary crossing with celebrities and influencers and politicians and the “I’m just a girl” comments. Social media and its quasi-escapist aspect has allowed us to burrow into niche spaces (not communities — spaces) and we deem the most visible person in that niche space as “mommy.” Like you’re saying in your piece, it’s easier in the short term to operate in this way. There’s a lot of talk about building community right now, but that also requires us to reflect and think critically about our own consumption habits, choices, and behavior both on and offline.

Expand full comment
Linda parker Boike's avatar

i am taking a class right now called What makes life Good lol in college rn and we’re talking a lot about well being, lasting happiness, love, and we came onto a point about how in a relationship that is flourishing, there is even bi-directional love, that is coming from both directions. In instances where it is less even or entirely one sided, it is realized that we are always shooting beams of mono-directional love. it just becomes bi-directional when someone else is shooting back. the most potent mono-directional love is a mother’s love towards her baby that can’t shoot any beams back. thinking about that has been fun way of reframing thinking about loving other people as echoing our mothers love, or what we wish it was in the everyday interactions

Expand full comment
Lauren Powers's avatar

it’s truly very hard to not receive and release art that is more than spoon-fed size when everyone and everything needs to be a brand build for our convenience to increase consumption. kind of similar to the anora movie, i felt very shaken after watching the substance. i never had an experience like it in the halls of a theatre (or outside of it even). was it super weird gibberish or a masterpiece? fact is, it makes me go to bed early and do my gratitude journal, so future me doesn’t get sucked dry by present me. also i sought out podcasts and video essays explaining / helping me exploring what the hell i just saw. i think this could still count as being mothered by the content creators but i wore my big boy pants.

thank you for all the beautiful work of art and philosophy you put out so regularly! i hope you get enough rest to regenerate and time to enjoy all this wonderful, motherly love you share with the world so generously.

Expand full comment
Karol Joseph's avatar

love this whole essay and one of the things I love the most about it is your continual exploration of art that challenges you, art that is fun to think about, art that makes you feel conflicted. I’m reminded of an RFQ quote that goes, “work to understand things, and not just the things themselves but the conditions that created them and the impact those things had on the world around them. let those things become a part of you instead of a distraction from yourself. i think the act of loving something should be generative and consuming — it should add something to who you are and lead you to a new understanding of all the parts that were already there.” These reminders that I get from both of you-the type that make me pay attention to what I pay attention to-is why I’ll never stop reading from y’all .(plus all the other reasons that make both of y’all’s writing excellent.)

Expand full comment
rebecca burgess's avatar

Damn girl, this is good. You’re so smart.

Expand full comment
madeline's avatar

sobbing, the section about wanting a mom and being across the country fucked me up.

Expand full comment
Katie H's avatar

This is why I pay for this subscription

Expand full comment
Sarah Koppelkam's avatar

Dude. This essay made me feel something in my cold dead soul. The first paragraph in particular is so very good

Expand full comment
Lorne Daniel's avatar

“cowardice runs through the bloodline” cuts close … oh the lost opportunities

Expand full comment
nisha's avatar

this is so poignant and so unique I think cause I would've never thought to word it in this way but every word is so correct!!! the dependence on influencers and media to be our guiding lights and the cultivation of digital relationships before real ones. absolutely love this.

Expand full comment
liv runs away's avatar

this is so fucking on point

Expand full comment
ely's avatar

thi is also very reminiscent of that one sketch from Bo Burnham’s Inside “Social Brand Consultant”

Expand full comment
Kenneth Mills's avatar

Extraordinarily bang on. Thanks! Keeping the hope alive that you(r points) are partly wrong, but...

Expand full comment
Kenneth Mills's avatar

Extraordinarily bang on. Thanks! Keeping the hope alive that you(r points) are partly wrong, but...

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Nov 24
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
eliza mclamb's avatar

I really appreciate you riding for the Wicked movie like this but also my point was not that this particular movie is bad, only that the budget that exists (to plant 9 million tulips and build custom sets) is hardly ever chanced on newer, original work

Expand full comment